Hip Hop has always been a part of my life. It has had such a profound effect on me, it’s hard to imagine life without Hip Hop. That got me to thinking about what some artists would be doing if Hip Hop never existed. Here are a few of my ideas:
Souljah Boy- Showing the latest dance moves to children at summer camp.
Nas- Head of a militia, Braveheart Militants, leading revolts and organizing sit-ins and protests anywhere there is an injustice.
Jay-Z- Caught up in the capitalist world making tons of money and taking advantage of the poor class at the same time by working as a business executive. Or working as Joe Camel, the mascot for Camel cigarettes, making appearances at ballparks and county fairs across the country.
Nicki Minaj- Working in the Barbie section at Toys “R” Us.
Lil Wayne- Populating the world as a regular sperm donor at a local sperm bank.
Sean “Diddy” Combs- Working as the Chief Marketing Manager for Ciroc Vodka, he makes club appearances to diss other vodka brands by grabbing the mic and yelling out, “If you’re not drinking Ciroc, then you’re drinking pee-pee. Take that, take that.”
50 Cent- Stayed in the drug game and worked his way up to being one of the biggest drug dealers in Queens. He frequently feuds with Officer Ross (please see “Rick Ross” below) while trying to avoid getting shot another nine times.
Drake- Reprising his role as the wheelchair bound Jimmy in the spin-off Degrassi: So Far Gone Off to College.
Lauryn Hill- Struggling with being misunderstood, she joins the Braveheart Militants before leaving to start her own ladies-only militia, Empresses.
Kanye West- Designing sneakers and sunglasses while interrupting awards shows all over the world in his down time.
Lil Kim- Selling dope in prison wearing Vera Wang khakis giving the warden a blowjob in the back of the bus (her words circa “This Is Who I Am.”).
Rick Ross- Working as one of New York’s finest in the NYPD, feuding with 50 Cent while he patrols the streets of Queens.
